…and the quest to see everything

Free Friday Film: Lady Terminator

I missed ten to fifteen minutes of Lady Terminator – it probably featured a character named Tania Wilson (Barbara Anne Constable) speaking as her natural self dying in San Diego, but apparently, that isn’t important. So instead, I’ll start when me and this movie crossed paths.

A beautiful woman in her birthday suit with the face and body of Tania Wilson emerges, perfect posture and all, out of the Pacific Ocean into a city that we’ll assume is Jakarta, Indonesia. Her body emasculates men mid-coitus, and I’m being cryptic with those words because I already get enough creepy Google searches. And somewhere along the way, à la Arnold Schwarzenegger from The Terminator, her naked self gets a leather jacket and shoots up people. Whatever she is – it turns out that Tania is possessed by the evil Queen of the South Sea – she needs to die, and that’s the job of some Aryan American man who relocated to Jakarta because his wife died? While he’s recovering from widower issues he finds a love interest, a TV personality/singer named Erica who is descended from the Queen’s 100th husband (how does she find the time?) and thus, the Queen’s target.

This could also be the last – and best – movie to use post-production dubbing, giving among many things, the Queen this alto that couldn’t have been Constable’s real voice and adds to her inhumanly slutty character.

This is a movie about tacky 80’s hair and ill-fitting outfits of the same decade. Who are these white people who found themselves acting in some C- movie in Southeast Asia? Did they piss off the CAA? They look to beautiful to be drifters. Constable is also responsible for the movie’s make-up department which either is good enough for a movie like this or they gave her credit for bringing her own lipstick to work. Either way, most of these people never acted again. And whatever their stories before, during or after Lady Terminator is golden material for some ‘Behind the Movies’ feature, the pieces of which should be scattered on the internets somewhere.


3 responses

  1. I hate being that person who leaves silly unnecessary comments on blogs (wait, no I don’t) but that screencap looks so much like Bernadette Peters and for the record I would SO down with Bernadette kicking ass in a motion picture. The woman is fierce.

    March 9, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    • This isn’t even my screencap. I saw this on 35. I need a copy of this movie to outtrash my DVD of Pink Flamings.

      She also looks like Sean Young who, at one point, is fierce. Also, the fact that I had to Google what Bernadette Peters looks like makes me want to give up my gay card, which actually exists and is tangible.

      March 9, 2012 at 11:32 pm

  2. Oh, Paolo. There’s so much for you to learn – you’ve got to be carefully taught (to quote Hammerstein and Rodgers, if you have to google them kill yourself…not, really.)

    Conversely, though, I have to google Sean Young – so we’re even.

    About this “tangible gay card” of yours, discuss…

    March 10, 2012 at 10:05 am

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